The speech you didn’t hear —
Discarded first draft of Stephen Harper’s victory speech

David Martin

As for my first cabinet, not to worry, I’ve got a lot of talented people to choose from. For example, I’m asking Stockwell Day to be my new minster of intelligent design. If Mr. Day can believe that men and dinosaurs walked the earth together, I’m sure he’ll be up to revising our entire national scientific policy.(…)

For my financial portfolios, I’ve got a talented troika of former Mike Harris ministers. If you liked what Mr. Harris did to Ontario, then wait until you see what John Baird, Tony Clement and Jim Flaherty can do to the whole country. Hey, Canada, can you say “privatization” and “deregulation?”(…)

My American-born policy guru, Tom Flanagan, tells me that I can stop pretending that I don’t know George W. Bush. The election’s over and we won and I love Mr. Bush. He’s my hero. If you like what he’s done to the United States, you’ll love what I’m about to do to Canada. And if you don’t like what he’s done, then boo-hoo on you.(…)

Thank you again for your unwitting support and, in the words of my pal W, God bless Northern America.